What He See's Isn't What I See & Monday Stats

My husband loves the way I look. If asked to describe me, he would say I have long dark hair that's all over the place but he loves it. He would say I don’t need make-up; my green eyes carry enough secrets and mischief to light up my face. He thinks my waist is small and my belly is slightly rounded in the most attractive way. My breasts are full and round, in perfect proportion to my hips. He'd said I'm voluptuous, soft and beautiful.

He can’t get enough of me. He loves how shapely I am, how my curves fit in his hands. He loves to watch me walk away, and I love to feel his eyes on me.

His perception of me is so compelling that I believe it too. I can conquer the world when he tells me I am beautiful. I am fierce. I am powerful. I am feminine. I walk with grace when I see myself through his eyes. My smile is genuine, and my laugh lines show when I giggle. My hips sway gently and my breasts are proud. The lines of my body are gentle, the slope of my shoulder blends seamlessly with the strength of my biceps. Arms made strong from carrying children.

I am always surprised when I catch a glimpse of myself in a mirror because I fully expect to see my husband’s fantasy staring back at me. But I don’t see his beautiful wife. Instead, the woman in the mirror is deeply disconnected from the image my husband describes. I’m not sure where the lie lives; in his mind, or in mine?

The mirror makes my chest ache, and I feel something close to shame. Not shame, exactly, but the sinking that happens when you disappoint someone you love. That hot rush gets stuck in my throat when I pass a mirror. The image in front of my eyes is a pale shadow of the temptress in my head. My body has betrayed me.

I don’t see a vibrant powerhouse. I see a mediocre suburban mother. My hair is nice, but thin and lies flat against my head. My eyes are a pretty, but they are framed by wrinkles. My cheeks are cheerful, but full, and my lips are chapped because I forget to moisturize them. My skin is average, but beginning to show my age with a firm, deep line between my eyes.

I am more than voluptuous. I am more than curvy. My waist is swallowed up by my leftover baby weight, which folds over my lap and grazes my thighs when I sit down. My belly is decorated with silvery jagged lines, leftovers from being stretched almost beyond its limits. My breasts are full, but they sag with the weight having four children. My legs are plump and my thighs rub together when I walk.

I don’t know how to reconcile the reality of my body with the fantasy of my lover’s image. I struggle with my physical presence on a daily basis.

I do know I admire the woman that my husband loves. She is the person I want to be. I choose her; I choose the reflection in my husband’s eyes. Fuck the reflection in my mirror.

And that makes me fierce.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Weight: 

March 12th 173.0 lbs 
(2.2lb lost)

Not a big change but check out this picture👇🏻

Measurements:

Biceps - (R) 12" / (L) 12"

Forearms - (R) 9.5" / (L) 9.5"

Chest - 37"

Stomach (at hip bone) - 37"

Hips - 43"

Thigh - (R) 25" / (L) 25"

Calves - (R) 15.75" / (L) 15.75"

*I will update measurements March 31st*

Motivation...How? & Monday Stats...

If you’re looking for motivation to get you off the couch and started on your workout, I have to tell you something… the motivation is not coming for you.  

I repeat, it is NOT coming.

You don’t just get motivated.  

DISCIPLINE COMES FIRST.

I am thankful that I grew up in a family who was pretty active. My parents played sports, my mom taught aerobics, I played softball, was a cheerleader, was on color guard, played tennis and rode my bike EVERYWHERE till I could drive. But having children slowed me down a lot. However that active girl was always still there and she would whisper "get up, go for a walk". So I got up and got moving again. Yes it wasn't the same as before kids but that's the great thing about being active, there isn't one "right way".

Trust me, I know it's hard. 

I know what it’s like to physically force yourself off the couch to do a workout that makes you want to die after only five minutes. 

I know what it’s like to cry during a workout because it’s so hard (did that last week during cardio but we will discuss that a bit later). 

I know what it’s like to quit in the middle of a workout. 

I know what it’s like to be embarrassed about having to workout to be healthy. 

But the truth is, you’re not going to get motivated. You have to take some sort of step forward on your own.

If you think you can’t do something because you’re not feeling motivated enough, you’re actually saying you don’t care enough. You don’t want to get motivated if you’re not doing anything about it, because it’s the action that creates the motivation. Action must come first. What you really should be saying is you want to be disciplined.

It takes discipline to take the action to get motivation. 

Did you get that???  

Being disciplined means you do something even if you don’t want to. People who are disciplined are willing to do the hard things, whether they want to or not. You have to tell yourself, “I don’t want to, but I’m going to.”

You’ll find that when you do it you actually feel amazing. When you feel amazing doing something you needed to do but didn’t want to do, you’re motivated to keep going. You’ve crossed it off your list and that makes you feel like a badass!

If you’re not happy with where you’re at, health or otherwise,  you know you deserve better and you want to make that change, you have to start today!  You have to start right now. Don’t wait until next Monday or the 1st of the month like everyone else does. 

Today is the day to start over. 

Remember it’s all about the action you take right now.

Motivation doesn’t come, you create it.  That’s the power you have.

~~~

Okay so last week was kind of a shit show or should I say snow show. So I was suppose to go grocery shopping on Thursday. Well Wednesday we got hit with the beginning of a 3 day winter storm. 

Here's the thing, it NEVER SNOWS here like it did those 3 days. We also had temps down to the teens which also never happens. And howling winds which were causing awful snow drifts. Wednesday to early Saturday morning the police were urging people to stay home because the roads were so bad. This area of the UK just isn't used to the weather we got slammed with. It was crazy. So I didn't end up being able to grocery shop till today, which means I tried my best to stay on my meal plan but it was far from perfect.

I crushed my workouts and staying active for my #365ActiveChallenge though.

Today I started the full 80 Day Obsession Plan and it was killer but fun. I'm really excited to see how my body responds to it over the next 80 days. 

I will also be walking inclines a few times this week too and work myself up to walking inclines 5 days a week. Baby steps for now to see how my hip reacts.

I've also decided to go strictly gluten, dairy free and KETO!

And for once I'm excited to update my stats because I lost a few pounds. 

Weight: 

February 26th 175.2 lbs --- March 5th 173.0 lbs (2.2lb lost)

Measurements:

Biceps - (R) 12" / (L) 12"

Forearms - (R) 9.5" / (L) 9.5"

Chest - 37"

Stomach (at hip bone) - 37"

Hips - 43"

Thigh - (R) 25" / (L) 25"

Calves - (R) 15.75" / (L) 15.75"

*I will update measurements March 31st*

And because a few of you were asking what my meal plan was like here it is. I will say I am EXTREMELY picky so my meal plan is VERY  SIMPLE. LOL! 

And I'm intermittent fasting so I only eat from 12pm to 8pm.

Its roughly between 1400-1500 calories a day, 73% Fat, 21% Protein, and 6% Carbs.

5am-730am: Coffee

845am: Unicorn Moonshine Ketones (ask me about it, if you are interested)

1st Meal at 12pm: 2 Keto Biscuits & 2 Jimmy Dean Sausage Patties

2nd Meal at 230pm: 4 Strawberries, Keto Blueberry Muffin & Unicorn Moonshine

3rd Meal at 5pm: 3oz Grilled Chicken, 1 cup Iceberg Lettuce, 1 Hard Boiled Egg, 

14 Hormell Pepperoni Slices, Topped with Dairy Free Ranch Dressing

4th Meal at 730pm: 2oz Arla Lactofree Mild Cheddar Cheese (vegan cheese) &

14 Hormell Pepperoni Slices

Monday Stats...

So if you read yesterdays blog you'd know this, but if you are new to the party, today I start the 365 day fit challenge! 

For those of you who have followed me for a while know I injured my hip about 9 months ago. Those several months were the most stressful part of my journey so far. Along with my husband deploying for almost 5 month I was a hot mess and dealing with lots of stress! 

So of course I turned to food to comfort me. I lost my weight by eating healthy AND exercising. So I felt like it was a packaged deal, I had to eat healthy and exercise to be successful. I couldn’t exercise, so I slowly stopped eating healthy and it lead to a 15 pound weight gain. 

Am I proud of that? No. But I’m so glad it happened. It was a huge lesson and stepping stone in my journey. I looked to the scale for approval. Eventually I stopped weighing which I thought was a good thing but it also left me in denial. 

For the first time, I weighed myself this weekend and truly didn’t let the number derail me. The negative thoughts that usually came, didn’t. I may have gained weight during the past 9 months but I spent a lot of time changing my thinking and started loving myself where I am, which is what truly matters and most people forget to focus on.

So taking on this challenge was important to me, I know when I exercise I want to eat healthier! I have no real rules for myself during this challenge except to be active every day. Weather that means 1 hour or 15 minutes! As long as I’m doing something that’s all that matters!

And because Mondays are dedicated days to update ya'll on my journey I wanted to update ya'll since I was suppose to start my fitness again last week. Well that was a total train wreck. 

Monday and Tuesday I did workout...YAY! I was battling sinus issues but I just dealt with it.

Tuesday evening I ended up with a high fever and down for the count. I was incredible sore all Tuesday but I thought it was just my bodies response to the first real workouts in 9 months. It was, but it was also due to the fever. I didn't workout. I tried but seriously felt like my legs were going to explode from the pain of soreness.

Wednesday I was sick and ridiculous sore so I just rested.

Thursday the fever was gone but still so sore walking was a challenge. The soreness was the worst I have felt in years. My legs were defiantly in shock from the workouts. 

Friday to Sunday I just gave up and rested. Just being honest. 

My sinuses are still a mess so I may need to call the dr and get an appointment. I'm still planning on working out today since today I start my 365 day challenge.

Monday February 26 Stats...

NO CHANGE FROM LAST WEEK!

Weight: 

175.2 lbs

Measurements:

Biceps - (R) 12" / (L) 12"

Forearms - (R) 9.5" / (L) 9.5"

Chest - 37"

Stomach (at hip bone) - 37"

Hips - 43"

Thigh - (R) 25" / (L) 25"

Calves - (R) 15.75" / (L) 15.75"

Boys Out Number Girls in Our House...

Yep you read that title right, boys out number the girls in our house. There are three boys (sons), my husband vs myself, our daughter and our female cat. That makes the ratio 4:3.

Even though I do have a daughter, I’m still drowning in boy. It’s a good thing I’m a strong mama, a tomboy myself or I’d get lost in all that maleness. 

Here are my top things I’ve learned being a boy mom for the last 12 years.

~Teen boys can eat their weight in pretzels without a single roll of chub appearing on their waistlines. This is not an urban myth; this is the absolute truth. I have witnessed it. (And I’m so jealous.)

~The toilet seat is almost always wet. Never rush to sit down on the toilet, always check the seat first. If I do not check the seat first, I am in for a bad wet nasty surprise. Moms of newly potty trained boys, expect this toilet seat checking will be your life for many years to come. Even when the boys are older their aim does not improve. 

Personal Tip**Beware of using the bathroom especially in the dark without visually inspecting for a dry seat first. I’m serious. Don’t do it. While you are at it check the floor too so you don’t get wet socks.

~Food disappears in bulk fashion in a blink. I can’t say enough about food. They flock to the kitchen when I come home from the store. I can’t keep up with enough food they consume it so fast. If I buy a box of Cheezits, I’m lucky if it lasts 24 hours. It might last 51 hours, but it certainly won’t last 52.  My husband will wait too long for a piece of cake savoring each moment up until he finally decides to eat it only to find someone already inhaled it. You snooze you lose. Label it! We must label our food treasures or hide them.

~The things in your house are all toys. Incessant fort making happens. All things in the house are free game for fort material. Laundry baskets full of clothes, sheets, clothespins, couch cushions, chairs, shoes, blankets, string, bungee cords, books, curtains, bar stools, pillows, and more. They will use every stinking piece every darn time. Forts upon forts.

~Boys must have physical activity several times a day and they throw everything. Boys must climb and stand on all pieces of furniture: chairs, couches, tables, end tables, and railings. They need to get their energy out especially in the winter so I allow this within reason. Learn to dodge flying objects and flying footballs in your spare time. Face it that you will never be good enough to dodge them all. You will get pegged at some point.

~Odors happen. They happen a lot. The smells from the boys will not improve as they grow. Fellow boy moms get used to announcing of farts accompanied by laughter. Get used to accusing and denial of farts too. Some gladly claim them, yet some will utterly deny the silent stink.

~Burping is easy and a skill. Burping is as easy as breathing. I’ve lived four decades and I still can’t burp on purpose but they’ve all figured out how to do that before the age of six.

#10: Boys have their own ideas of what constitutes as fruit. They think fruit snacks are fruit and will argue they are right until their last breath. Maple syrup is fruit too because it comes from trees. Ketchup is fruit too because it’s made from tomatoes. Ketchup will be licked off plates. Syrup too. After all they are fruit, right? 

~I must again mention the stink; it bears the need for multiple mentions. Stink lingers. Shoes and socks can stink up an entire room for days. Febreeze is truly your friend. Bless you Febreeze.

~They fight too hard sometimes. They will fight and hurt each other. They just can’t keep their hands to themselves. To reduce the number of squabbles get a minivan, an SUV, or some vehicle where there can be space between them to save your mama sanity on all family drives.

~It’s never quiet and they are always loud. It is not quiet and it won’t be unless they are asleep or gone.

~Throw balls happens in the living room. Daily. No matter what. You can’t stop it.

I love my boys and being a mom. No doubt I’m outnumbered, but I love them despite their messy, stinky, incessantly hungry, active, bickering sides because they are also sweet and good boys. They make me laugh and we have fun. They are smart, athletic, and creative.

We are Potty School Drop Outs...

I am a potty school dropout. My potty train has jumped the tracks. I have become everything I never thought I’d become. 

Before you start giving me all of your advice, I will lead with this: I potty trained my first three children within a week. With RARELY no mistakes afterwards. And I pretty much thought I was the cock of the walk. I mean, how can people think this is hard? You just get rid of the diapers and set the timers and voila, underpants city. It’s easy peasy to use the potty.

Then came Rowan, child number 4. And the universe sent me a little humble pie: I have been trying to potty train this child for 2 months now. And I got nothing. Nada. Zilch.

Two weeks ago I decided to go "all or nothing". Telling myself real parents don’t give up. Real parents get shtt done. 

We did everything we could right out of the gate on that Monday. We set a thirty minute timer for two days straight. We ate candy. We clapped just getting him on the potty without a fight. The older kids got in on the excitement, high fiving the little bro and sitting alongside him as he did his time on the throne. 

We also did only underwear and plastic covers, which meant I was washing a load of undies every evening...and cleaning shit out of at least 1 pair a day. Whatever, I just wanted to get through to this child and get it done.

But then the screaming started. He would scream and fight me just to sit him on the potty. He refused the potty chair, refused the kid urinal, refused the big potty. Just flat out refused.

And so. Two days after buying a ticket for the potty train, we hopped off. Back to diapers. 

I know. I can’t believe it either. But you know what, it’s just better. 

I’m just over stressing about crap like this. This kid will not go to college in a diaper. Probs not even pre-school next year. And hopefully, we didn’t do any permanent damage with our little attempt at the world free of undies. 

I plan that once school is out, I will just let the little Mr. run around nakie nakie all day and then move into undies when we have some better success. But for now, we are back in diapers for this little dude. And I am officially a potty school dropout. And as much fun as it was to imagine my household diaper-free and to skip down the sidewalk in my dreams, I honestly feel very little stress over the whole situation. And it’s just further proof to me that in motherhood and life, you gotta do what works for you. 

So for now, we’re stickin’ with the diapers. We still promote the potty and have the candy jar out and all that jazz. But as for me, it is what it is.

365 Active Challenge...

Over and over again you hear about 7, 10 and 24 day challenges. 

I'm a little late to the party but I've decided to take on a 365 day active challenge. 

Last April (2017), I injured my hip.  I was very limited on the amount of working out I could do so I basically quit all together or it at least felt like I gave up! I had become addicted to working out, I spent every spare moment trying to get a workout in, most day I averaged 2 workouts.

This is part of what caused me to get injured and knocked out for 9 months.

So why would I challenge myself to workout every day for a whole year?  

Sounds crazy right?

I have such an all or nothing personality. During the 9 months I was recovering, I focused on what I couldn’t do rather than what I could do so I did very little. 

So for the next whole year I commit to being active, every single day, with a minimum of 15 minutes a day. Almost everyone can spend an extra 15 minutes a day being active. It is an attainable goal. I need to change my mentality and I decided to make it a year of absolutely no excuses.

Everyone wants the results, but no one wants the work. 

I'm sure not every day will be easy. Life will always throw me curve balls. Buts its all on  how I react and handle them that matters. 

I urge you to join me on this 365 day active challenge and stop focusing on what you can’t do and instead focus on what you can do!

You can follow my The Unicorn Mom to follow along each day and see what exactly I have do every day. And of course keep checking back here EVERY Monday for a recap of each week! 

Seeking BFF...

Slightly crazy, anxiety ridden, unicorn loving, super fun mom of four seeks other mom for friendship. Must love food and not mind cussing. Must not judge when I start my third cup of coffee for the day or have 3 cupcakes at my kids birthday parties. Must love cupcakes and coffee. If the potential friend doesn’t like cupcakes or coffee, will consider friend if they at least love chocolate. Must love to go out for ice cream with the kids occasionally as well.

Must not judge me for always wearing makeup and sneakers. Will not judge potential friend ever on any attire, even if attire is stained. 

Must actually love and like to be around our kids. Can understand when you mutter sometimes that they’re driving you crazy. The feeling can be mutual – but must really enjoy them a good chunk of the time. 

Must love to see psychological or supernatural thrillers (without the kids). Must freak out like I do when you know the bad guy is hiding behind the door. Must love horror movies or at least be open to watching them.

Must not laugh when this mom’s cupcakes look like Pinterest fails. Must still want to eat the cupcakes with me. Must eat them with me with coffee or a glass of wine. If the potential friend does not drink alcohol, that’s okay because I rarely do myself.

Must keep it real. Must not get annoyed when this mom freaks out about a lice outbreak at school. Must be such good friend that if household gets lice, friend may be grossed out and wearing a shower cap, but will come over if I get lice (and husband cannot remove it all!). This grossed out but good potential friend of yours (ME) will also come over to your house and pick lice out of your hair for you, too.

Must be willing to have each other’s backs. That means that we stand up for each other, celebrate, and commiserate together. Must not act uncomfortable if this mom ever cries or is upset. The same will be true for you, too. This mom will never judge you if you shed tears.

Must be okay with being on this mom’s emergency contact list. Will accept you as a friend if you like my kids MOST of the time. Must be able to go and get them if the world implodes and my husband and I cannot get to them. Will do the same for you and your kids.

Must laugh at this list. Must say to self: this person is crazy, I like her.