What He See's Isn't What I See & Monday Stats

My husband loves the way I look. If asked to describe me, he would say I have long dark hair that's all over the place but he loves it. He would say I don’t need make-up; my green eyes carry enough secrets and mischief to light up my face. He thinks my waist is small and my belly is slightly rounded in the most attractive way. My breasts are full and round, in perfect proportion to my hips. He'd said I'm voluptuous, soft and beautiful.

He can’t get enough of me. He loves how shapely I am, how my curves fit in his hands. He loves to watch me walk away, and I love to feel his eyes on me.

His perception of me is so compelling that I believe it too. I can conquer the world when he tells me I am beautiful. I am fierce. I am powerful. I am feminine. I walk with grace when I see myself through his eyes. My smile is genuine, and my laugh lines show when I giggle. My hips sway gently and my breasts are proud. The lines of my body are gentle, the slope of my shoulder blends seamlessly with the strength of my biceps. Arms made strong from carrying children.

I am always surprised when I catch a glimpse of myself in a mirror because I fully expect to see my husband’s fantasy staring back at me. But I don’t see his beautiful wife. Instead, the woman in the mirror is deeply disconnected from the image my husband describes. I’m not sure where the lie lives; in his mind, or in mine?

The mirror makes my chest ache, and I feel something close to shame. Not shame, exactly, but the sinking that happens when you disappoint someone you love. That hot rush gets stuck in my throat when I pass a mirror. The image in front of my eyes is a pale shadow of the temptress in my head. My body has betrayed me.

I don’t see a vibrant powerhouse. I see a mediocre suburban mother. My hair is nice, but thin and lies flat against my head. My eyes are a pretty, but they are framed by wrinkles. My cheeks are cheerful, but full, and my lips are chapped because I forget to moisturize them. My skin is average, but beginning to show my age with a firm, deep line between my eyes.

I am more than voluptuous. I am more than curvy. My waist is swallowed up by my leftover baby weight, which folds over my lap and grazes my thighs when I sit down. My belly is decorated with silvery jagged lines, leftovers from being stretched almost beyond its limits. My breasts are full, but they sag with the weight having four children. My legs are plump and my thighs rub together when I walk.

I don’t know how to reconcile the reality of my body with the fantasy of my lover’s image. I struggle with my physical presence on a daily basis.

I do know I admire the woman that my husband loves. She is the person I want to be. I choose her; I choose the reflection in my husband’s eyes. Fuck the reflection in my mirror.

And that makes me fierce.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Weight: 

March 12th 173.0 lbs 
(2.2lb lost)

Not a big change but check out this picture👇🏻

Measurements:

Biceps - (R) 12" / (L) 12"

Forearms - (R) 9.5" / (L) 9.5"

Chest - 37"

Stomach (at hip bone) - 37"

Hips - 43"

Thigh - (R) 25" / (L) 25"

Calves - (R) 15.75" / (L) 15.75"

*I will update measurements March 31st*

Sugar & Carbs, I’m breaking up with you….

I had been on this weight loss/fitness/clean eating journey for almost 3 years now, October 14th is my fit-iversary.  But just the last few month I've realized that something was holding me back.  Something was derailing my diet, causing me to have less stamina during my workouts, and even affecting my mood at home.  What was it?

A sugar and carb addiction.

Sounds like a good thing, right?  I’ve been an admitted “chocoholic”  and "bread-obsessed" for years, but my addiction hadn’t been just limited to chocolate and bread. Oh no, everything from candy, soda, cinnamon rolls, muffins and of course pizza were part of my addiction.  But learning how to stop eating sugar and carbs would not be so simple.

And why did I care?

I was happily eating my way through life.  Living from meal to meal.  I would try to control my calories, but then the craving would start up and I was helpless, my eating was out of control.  I could work out all day long, but there came a point when I just wasn’t losing weight, it was about 2 years ago actually. I dropped my initial 85 lbs within the first 14 months and then nothing, no matter what I did. And it was this August when I realized that I had to break my sugar and carb addiction.

Sugar & Carbs, I’m breaking up with you….its not personal....shit what am I saying, it is personal!

So this morning I've decided to go completely cold turkey, thankfully I have my ketones to help my headaches and mood swings stay at bay.

I know if I can make it at least 7 days, no matter what, with no desserts, no candy, no sugar, no carbs, other than was what regularly found in my keto approved meals. I'm not going to scrutinize every label for sneaky sugars, but I'm going to avoid every obvious instance of sugar and carb in my diet, no matter how hard.

Did you know that sugar is addictive: When you eat sugar, your brain gets a massive dopamine surge, similar to the rush you get when you take addictive drugs.

I had a big Dr Pepper and some fries last night and that was it. Now I'm all done. I will update as the weeks go one. Wish me luck!

Fatso Coffee...

So I tried something new and I'm hooked 

and need to buy more like NOW!

Fat coffee.

WTF.

I was not on board with this when I first entered Keto land. My googling self started looking around online and found the whole 'add butter, oil & blend' aspect making me gag. I love butter, I didn't want to put it in my coffee.

BUT, I do understand why it's bomb and aids in the energy and weight loss. So I was graced with KETO//KREME and THIS is what it is all about:

MCTs are a form of dietary fats that are actually good for you! KETO//KREME is a proprietary blend of specific length MCTs (C8 and C10), which are designed for quick conversion into ketones. 

Prüvit's KETO//KREME MCTs increase energy, are not stored as fat, and have been shown to increase thermogenesis (fat burning).

That's Spanish to the un-keto brain.

MCT keeps you full.

KREME feeds your brain and increases focus/energy.

Tastes fucking incredible.

COME ON PRUVIT GET THAT KREME BACK IN STOCK, MAMA NEEDS MORE!!! ☕️

LOW CARB PIZZA – TURKEY CRUST MEATZA

What better way to introduce my new lifestyle than by sharing the recipe that has been a mainstay in our household for the past two weeks: low carb pizza!

It all started with a random friend on Facebook finding out I was on the keto diet. After discovering that we were both on a keto diet, she sent this recipe, and said “Trust me”. 

I scanned the makeshift recipe with apprehension. A pizza made of meat? And turkey no less? I know pizza; pizza is like my family. I’ve had just about every kind of pizza imaginable and turkey was never invited to the party. 

And a low carb pizza at that? 

I wasn’t entirely sold on the idea, but copied the recipe down on a post it to try later. 

I shared the recipe with my guy and we rushed off to the grocery store to acquire all the fixings. What I saw as blasphemy to the pizza gods, he saw as everything his heart desired — meat on top of more meat. The only other time I had seen him that excited about food was when he found out that turducken is a real thing.

I whipped it up that night and never looked back. This low carb pizza is outrageously delicious. Seriously. I slapped the post-it into my recipe box after realizing the recipe was a keeper. 

Since then, I’ve tweaked a few things, played around with the ratios, cooking vessels, and a variety of toppings. I prefer to use a cast-iron skillet to get a nice crunch on the crust. Cast-iron skillets get super hot and stay that way, which is great for searing meat. Since your crust is made of meat and cheese, the meat is seared nicely while the cheese crisps up. 

If you don’t have cast-iron, you can use any oven safe dish or pan as long as it has sides to prevent the grease from dripping out.

The bigger the pan, the thinner the crust and vise versa. So if you like a thin crust, consider using a pan with a larger surface area to spread out the ingredients.

The following recipe has all of my favorite pizza toppings and comes to a measly 11 grams of carbs for the entire pizza! That’s less than 2 grams of carbs per slice! Feel free to swap the toppings out for your own faves, just be sure to update your macros.

I actually like this low carb pizza better than the delivery we used to order every week! If that’s not a testament to how spectacular this recipe is… then I don’t know what is. 

You’ve got to give it a try!

What’s your favorite type of pizza? Let me know in the comments below!