Laying in the Road, Waiting for Traffic to Run me Over: Life as a mom

Making the decision to be a stay home full time with my kids was what I thought I always wanted to do. I dreamed of being a mother since I was very young. So being a stay at home mom was just part of my dream. I felt like I was missing out on all of the good stuff at home if I wasn't the one who was with me them daily. 

My daughter was 6 months old at the time and our babysitter was sending me pictures of things like the first time she rolled over, and pictures of trips to the park. And seeing her starting to grow without me made me sad.

Funny thing is I worked as a nanny for a family while our daughter attended a home daycare. I only worked because my ex-husband wouldn't let me stay home. I honestly just worked to pay the babysitter. It was the stupidest thing ever but I was married to a very controlling human who refused to let me stay home or go to school. 

Finally when she was 18 months I quit. I finally talked my ex into letting me stay home and babysit a few kids. At least that way I could be home with our daughter and I make a small income on the side. I couldn’t wait to slow down and truly experience what life was all about. I envisioned the perfect life I would have as a stay at home mom. We would spend our days strolling through parks/museums, my house would be spotless, nice meals always made, I'd teach our daughter, she would take long naps and at end the day I put her to bed and relax with a smile on my face.

I had this vision that my house would be the epitome of a Pottery Barn catalog and our yard would be the envy of our neighbors. I'd have the smartest, most well behaved children and my (then) husband would wonder how he got so lucky to have such a perfect wife and prance me around town like a sparkly little show pony, and my kids would idolize my every move. Usually this fantasy also included me winning a dance competition of some sort in front of a crowd of hundreds.

I was certain my life would be perfect.

The next 5 years were rather a blur of ...

babysitting part time from home & starting a mom group to...

running a successful home child care to...

a divorce to...

a big move...

 unemployment and dead broke to... 

back to running a home daycare.

Once Logan (2nd kid) started school. I went back to school full time for a cosmetology degree. But then I got pregnant with baby number 3 and I throw up like the exorcist at least 3 times a day. I couldn't work, go to school or move most days. So at 10 weeks pregnant I once again became a stay at home mom and I did some babysitting on the side. Again I pictured this perfect little dream of unicorns, rainbows and me winning dance competitions. 

Fast forward 5 years...most days I think about going and laying out in the road and wait for a car to run me over. 

At least my co-workers and fellow students didn't throw tantrums in front of me. My kids don’t give a shit who is around. They’ve thrown themselves upon the finest floors in the city in front of dozens of horrified onlookers. In fact, they prefer to misbehave in public because it practically guarantees my reaction will be within the confines of the law.

Now, I live and die by my kids’ happiness. Not a minute goes by in my day that I’m not thinking about how I can somehow make their lives better, constantly worrying that they are not happy enough, evaluating myself as a mother and continually thinking of ways to make sure they have the most perfect lives possible. I look at these kids and understand the meaning of life. 

And in return, my children are physically incapable of being happy unless I am actively waiting on them. For example. I sit down to dinner completely exhausted. I’ve been running like a crazy frantic person all day breaking up fights and diffusing tantrums and cleaning up poop and a cornucopia of other usually unidentifiable bodily fluids or crushed foods into the carpet.

They will purposely wait until I sit down and put the fork to my lips to tell me that they need a napkin or a drink. And then when I point out that their napkin or drink is right there there, they will frown and frantically look around for something they’re missing that will make me have to get my old tired bones up from the table to get for them. And if they can’t find anything they will chug their milk until it is gone and whine that they are still thirsty until I get up and get them more.

They are sick and twisted little creatures.

And now our 2.5 year old has started decided that sleeping if for the weak. He now gets up 500 million times throughout the night opens his door, stands at the baby gate that keeps him caged in his room and whines until one of us get up and put him back into his bed. This is not a game we enjoy and I'm really regretting getting rid of his crib.

I am so sleep deprived at this point that this is especially dangerous for him at this point in my life because since becoming a stay at home mom I have completely lost my fear of going to prison.

If I would have ever, EVER, had a co-worker wake me up in the middle of the night on a regular basis I would have put a mouse head in their lunch box, or at the very least change their computer password to “I am a giant asshole”.

But no. I will not stand for a sub par performance review from my kids. I drag my half asleep self out of my warm bed. I go to his rom. He smiles once he see's me and runs to his miniature bed and jumps in, curls up with his little lovie blanket, and he’s quit and asleep before I even spread out his blanket. And I have no idea where it comes from, but somewhere deep inside me I’m like, “awww!” and the thoughts of selling him to the gypsies down the road from us quickly disappears.

Which brings me to my next point – my ungrateful fart knocker of a client. AKA my husband.

My husband is amazing. I love him with all my heart. Seriously. 

But sometimes when he arrives home after a 48 hour shift he is completely oblivious to how much work is was to keep the house standing upright. In fact, he has the nerve to ask why there’s goldfish all over the playroom. 

And I’m just thankful he didn’t come home five minutes earlier when the cat was on fire and the toddler went missing. There are so many times in my day where, if he were to come home and see what shape the house was in, he would fire me and hire the nanny.

I sometimes feel like I’m the only parent in the world who can’t manage a simple project. 

We are going to get pictures with Santa Claus = A blowout diaper up the back right before they sit on Santa’s lap.

Let’s commemorate your first hair cut = Death grip around my neck every time the beautician comes at them with a comb, hence the reason why I cut their hair myself at home. The screams don't bother us and we know he's not dying.

We are going to eat dinner now = Hustling out of a restaurant in shame. 

But the higher my expectations for perfection, the more chaotic and painful the experience. I used to be the queen of manipulation, but now I just pray and wear comfortable shoes.

When I first became a stay at home mom I was terrified of the police showing up at my house because I made some horrible parenting mistake. Now, if they show up I will ask them if I can borrow their tazer for a second.

I used to sneak into the bathroom to pee in private like a normal human being, now I sneak into the bathroom just to catch up on my snapchat alone.

I’ve learned that being a stay at home mom is as challenging of a career as any. And as with any job, it’s all about balance. And mom's its okay to take time for ourselves. This is something I STILL struggle with and I've realized after the last few weeks it may be time for me to seek out some sort of help. Before I end up in the looney bin for a nervous break down.

Don't feel ashamed to use the nursery at the gym to give yourself a break to blow off steam in a kick boxing class. Don't feel ashamed to schedule a massage while the kids are at pre-school instead of cleaning the bathrooms. Shit, bringing a flask to the playground if you must. 

It's all about balance mommies. 

My Top Ten Ways Not Be Successful...

My top ten list of ways to not be successful in direct sales. Basically things that I did when I was first starting out that I wish I had not done, haha. But hey we live and we learn right?! I want to share this post today to give encouragement and support to those who are just starting their home-based business or for those who may be struggling!

I am by no means a direct sales expert, simply a women with a dream and a home business.

I believe that to be great at anything you must be willing to learn and grow as I go. So to help you learn and grow I thought it would be fun to share my top 10 "DON’T DO'S" that I have learned over the last 15 months in hopes it will save someone a bit of time or frustration starting out.

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10. Don't Just Focus on Yourself - Focus on Others

When I started with my business I constantly focused how much money I would make on selling this or that, how much recruiting a new team member would benefit me and how doing this or that would help me rank up within the company.

Then one day I snapped out of it and realized, my benefits would come back to me tenfold when I focused on how to best HELP every around me. Helping others reach their personal health/fitness goals and or financially goes in the long run meant a bigger paycheck for me but the joy I felt just helping and leading my team was so much more rewarding. 

Sharing the opportunity, training new team members, making sure they were successful and felt a sense of accomplishment with their business & helping them reach personal and business goals in their lives – meant building a successful, close knit team, forming new friendships & growing my business. It’s important to focus on yourself from time to time, but remember it’s not all about you all the time. Give back to others & the rewards will be even sweeter!

9. Don't Be Something or Someone You Are Not

My first 100 emails I sent out were terribly awkward & very uncomfortable for all involved.

I read copied from a script (which is perfectly fine if you need to!) but it sounded like a pre-recorded message or was not how I spoke in real life. Every time I sent a message I felt rigid, nervous, and awkward. When you send an email while feeling that way the universe feels it. And the person receiving it totally picks that vibe up too. Each time I would sit there hoping no one would ask any questions or want more information on anything. Sad, I know but its the truth. I just wanted responses like "Heck yeah, sign up me" or "Hey here's my money do as you please". I was so ridiculous. No wonder I struggled in the beginning. I wasn't having fun and being true to myself while sending these messages. 

As I began to learn and grow thru youtube video's, podcasts and personal development books I began to relax and be the real Mandy. I was myself – no script, no robotic sales pitch, just Mandy….and I actually now have a BLAST talking to others! 

People like real, approachable and sincere.

8. Don't Be Embarrassed

I can remember telling people who asked me what I did or where I was working and I'd totally leave out that I'm a fitness/health coach & personal trainer. I'd say “Oh, I'm just a stay at home mom.” Which wasn't far from the truth, I just left out what I passionately do every day and how I make an income while being home with the kids. 

The truth was, I was embarrassed to share with them what I was doing. I thought for sure they would take off running for the hills or laugh at me. I had that stigma that home businesses didn't work stuck in my head & I didn’t want people to avoid me, afraid I would try to “recruit” them or sell them shit they didn't want.  

In reality, I would have had a lot more success early on if I would have shared what I was doing with everyone who asked me! Be proud of your company, your product, and your choice to be a direct seller.  If you aren’t busting at the seams excited about your business & ready to share it with the world, you may not be in the right place!

7. Don't “Vomit” On Others

Vomiting is the best way I can describe it this, seriously. In #8 I talked about how to be open and excited to share your new business with everyone — now I’m going to tell you not to overstay your welcome or VOMIT it all over everyone.  

Sharing is caring ... but vomiting is just gross.

Sharing your business and products is one thing, but people like to have relationships based on trust, compassion, and fulfillment.  Posting on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram constantly about your business, begging for hostesses or bribing someone to join you is not appealing and will only make your followers overlook your posts.  Only about 10% of your posts should be directly business related, everything else should be engaging, fun, and help to create a relationship with you and your followers.

6. Don't Bite Off More Than You Can Chew

I began my business with so many ideas – great ideas at that! I wanted to create an online following via Facebook & Instagram for my business, I wanted a customer newsletter, customer loyalty program, wish list service, personal & team webpage, birthday card list…the list went on and on.  Many of these things I do currently but trying to launch a successful business with all the bells & whistles immediately was a recipe for disaster. I over-promised and under-delivered on so many of my “projects”.  

When I sat back and focused on building relationships and sponsoring new members for a few months it seemed like everything fell into place at the right time.  Don’t worry if you don’t have an awesome newsletter or a really cool customer punch card – you can worry about all those little extras when you get the basics under your belt! 

5. Don't Focus On The Money

Goal setting is so important to your business & having specific, dollar amount oriented goals are a great way to plan and operate your business. BUT your financial goal shouldn’t be the only thing you focus on with your business. Make sure you set personal goals, educational goals, fun goals.  Balancing the money side with the personal fulfillment will allow you to enjoy your business so much more – and when you enjoy what you do it definitely shows!

4. Don't Expect Instant Success

Direct sales isn’t an overnight get rich gig. If it was don't you think we'd all be millionaires by now!  Building a customer base, training and leading a successful team, learning the basic of your business, booking, and sponsoring skills takes time and energy. 

I have seen so many bright & determined individuals jump ship when they didn’t see the success they wanted in a few months. And it kills me! I just want to shake them silly and tell them just to "keep going...don't stop now". Slow & steady wins the race – don’t give up if you don’t see instant results. Create short term goals for yourself & make sure you celebrate when you hit those milestones in your business. This will give you lots of be proud of as you work toward your larger goals.

3. Don't Make Excuses

You are the only person who is ultimately responsible for your success (or lack of) and YOU are the only person who can make a difference in your business.  When my challenge group had zero challengers in it – I made excuses left and right on how everyone was just too busy, no one was spending money right now, and I didn’t know anyone to ask to join me……  

If I had spent the time that I had used coming up with excuses on making calls, sending emails, working my business and getting out in front of new customers I probably would have had my challenge group filled in no time at all! When I sat down & got real with myself, telling myself I needed to start helping others & stop making excuses — that’s exactly what happened!

BTW, Excuses are my biggest pet peeve. I roll my eyes so hard when I hear an excuse from anyone. Absolutely my biggest pet peeve. Don't tell me an excuse just tell me the real reason...YOU ARE SCARED!

2. Don't Just Wing It

I never knew the huge impact that having a business plan and goals could have on my business until I sat down and wrote them out for myself! If you don’t know where you are headed with your business, how will you ever know when you get there? 

Creating an overall plan for my business with short-term and long-term goals took me a bit of time, but now looking back I have no idea how I ran my business when I wasn’t able to compare or measure my success.  Even if your goals are something simple such as “I will help 4 new people each month for the next year” – it gives you something to focus on and something to work toward.  

If you don’t have goals in place and aren’t able to hold yourself accountable for reaching those goals, what will motivate you to grow in your business?

1. Don't “Hoard” The Opportunity

The biggest breakthrough I think I’ve had with my business was when I was introduced to the concept that the business opportunity with your company should be presented and treated as another product you have to offer. {MIND BLOWN, RIGHT?!}

I was always too shy and felt pushy when I mentioned the business opportunity, but then I realized that by NOT sharing this amazing opportunity that my mentor shared with me, I’m being selfish. You never know how your business could impact someone’s life!

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More than anything – just remember not to be hard on yourself, you are learning as you go and you will be constantly improving your business practices and growing as a person.  If something works for you – don’t change it and don’t worry about what others are doing. 

Your success is your own & isn’t measured by anyone else!