Who am I?

Who am I?

It’s a question that haunts me. Its the reason I've been so withdrawal from social media lately.

I’m a wife, I’m a mother. But who am I?

I was driving home the other day from grocery shopping and a song came on from high school.

A song I knew every word to. 

In that moment it became clear to me that, along with music, I’ve let go of many other habits and things I used to enjoy. 

It isn’t that I don’t love being a mother. I really really do. But so many parts about my life have changed, and I’m struggling to catch up with myself.

I became a mom 6 weeks before my 21st birthday so I didn't have too many years to find myself. But now that the baby is 3.5 years old and we are done having babies, I feel like its time to start finding myself again.

For the last 15.5 years my desires, motivations, and spontaneous urges have to be molded around my kids and husband. I have had to consider their needs equal to or above my own in the day to day.

This is good and fine and right.

But somewhere deep down in my soul, I feel lost. 

Just floating furture away but I can hear her tiny voice yelling ...

"DON'T FORGET ABOUT ME!"

I often feel isolated, alone, and bored even when the WHOLE family is home with me.

I've been digging deep down and pulling that lost girl out and finding what fills her soul and makes her feel whole again.

I will never have the life I had pre-motherhood, and that’s okay. Cause that girl was a mess.

But I have slowly started to find myself again.

I bought myself my favorite book series and have been re-reading it. Almost finished with it now and have a new series lined up, ready to read next.

I've also started crafting again. My hubs have even promised to buy me some bigger craft items I've been lusting over but haven't bought because of the price and the thoughts that "I'm being selfish".

My identity isn’t lost, it’s just been buried under kids school work, diapers and toys. 

It’s not about finding the old me, but coming to love the new one.

I wipe butts, I wipe tears. I give spankings, I give bear hugs, I help with homework.

And I just know—the old me would be so proud of who I've become.

This is a new season of my life. At first it terrified me, made me feel lost in this big world. But I'm embracing it and learning more about the me that's been hidden by the joys of motherhood and wife-hood.

An Open Letter to My Husband...

To my wonderful husband,

You are a soldier who has been called to action and have left today to serve your country. While I have known about this for quite some time, and I feel I am as prepared for it as I’ll ever be, I’ll never truly be ready to let you go and I need you to know how I feel and what you mean to me.

You came into my life when I wasn’t looking and you brought a kind of light that I’d never experienced before. You won me over with your charm, your charisma, and your beautiful smile and I was smitten from that first moment. Our first dates were mostly spent just laughing and talking, and I knew right then you were the one. It didn’t hurt that you showed me your nice guy side right away and I loved every minute of those long nights when we had nothing to do but talk and laugh. (And because of you I learned to be who I really am!)

I was also afraid. I was afraid to let myself fall for someone that fit me as well as you did. That something this wonderful couldn’t be real. That fear quickly melted away and my feelings grew into something much more, and it was visible to everyone in my life. Over the first few months of our dating, all of my friends and family came to know you. There was never any awkwardness between us. That they saw from the beginning that we were just us.

What I love most about us is that in finding each other, we not only found the person to share our love with, but we also gained a friendship that can never be replaced. You are not only my husband but also my best friend. You bring me excitement every morning and peace at night.  You are the person I can always count on and the person I can trust with my secrets and my life.  You complement me in the best way possible and have only ever added to my happiness. Our life together is the greatest adventure I have ever had and I could never thank you enough for taking me on your life journey with you.

I love the life we have created together.  The life that includes regular date nights, even if it’s just in the house. I love how we play games together so that we can get a little competitiveness out… even if it is over a game of Yahtzee.  I love how we have our shows we have to watch together. I love how you love going to a random village and exploring with me. I love how you ever so quietly try to get out of bed not to wake me when you have to go to work. I'm the lightest sleeper so I always hear you but it makes me smile as I fall back to sleep. Having you next to me at night is what I will miss the most. I love when we go out and paint the town red, blue, purple, green, or whatever color we are in the mood for.  You are as spontaneous as I am and you have made me even more adventurous.  You keep me grounded and at the same time, you lift me up to reach new heights.

But you are gone now. And I will miss you beyond words.  I’ve tried to hold it together, keeping in mind that each morning begins another day that gets us closer to the end of this deployment, but each days seems to drag on and on, and I feel like we missed out on trying to fit in all of the time we can while we still have work and other obligations. So while I wanted to tell you all of the things I love about us, I also wanted to tell you that I have wondered for so long, what will I do without you?  Here is my answer:

I will continue to build our home into what we want it to become.  A place of love, warmth, respect, comfort, and joy (and I will probably repaint all the furniture!).  I will love our kids hard enough for the both of us.  I will hug them harder, kiss them more, and simply highlight all of your awesomeness while you are away. And I will love you harder and more than I ever have. After all, it is said that absence makes the heart grow fonder. I will appreciate you more for the sacrifices you are making on behalf of others who you nor I even know. I will keep myself healthy. I will do things that make me happy. I will take care of myself! I will be strong!  And I will honor what I promised you the night we became husband and wife when I placed your ring on your finger “as a symbol of my love and honesty, as a constant reminder, that I have chosen you, above all others. To be the one, to share my life.”

With all of my love,
Your wife

GOLDEN EGG OPPORTUNITY!

What is a Golden Egg Opportunity? And why am I taking applications for it? 

I'm in the giving Christmas Spirit of course. 🎄🎁But let me explain a little more in detail.

A little over 2 years… I joined the Beachbody family as a coach. I didn’t entirely understand what that meant at the time except I had 85lbs of “baby weight” to lose and I wanted a discount on my #Shakeology to help me get there. In essence I was a “discount coach” and stayed that way for about 6 months. 💁🏻

Eighteen months ago… I was ready for more. I decided to start actively pursuing this business. I was ready to go all-in, dive into something I had real passion for – something I felt could be emotionally fulfilling and also have some real monetary potential. And it did. To my amazement, it did. In just 18 months I have been able to bring my income from $0 a week to 3-4 figures a week. Yep. Just this “little coaching business” that I almost snubbed my nose at initially. I don’t tell you to this brag, I tell you this so you know what’s possible! 

Today I sit here with a very unique opportunity in my lap for the next set of new coaches I bring into my team. Because I'm in the Christmas Spirit and feel like GIVING I want GIVE 5 SPECIAL women the opportunity for an internship position on our team...with NO START UP FEES! ZERO! ZILCH! NOTHING!😯🙆🏻💁🏻

PLUS your placement on my team has incredible earning potential – if your ready to hustle. And I have a really strong feeling there are a few of you out their ready for this. 

To be considered for one of the 5 spots please fill out this application👇🏻

GOLDEN EGG OPPORTUNITY APPLICATION

After I receive your application I will add you to a secret FB group that breaks down all the details about what we do and how we make money. You will need to add me as a friend on FB {Mandy Irizarry}. There are no obligations, just info you have at your fingertips to review when you have a moment. Excited to meet my future #bossbabes! 

This is a very limited opportunity with VERY limited spots. I'll be taking applications till Christmas EVE! I'll be announcing the lucky 5 on CHRISTMAS DAY!!!🎉🎁🎄🎁🎉

.

.

.

.

And to keep the lawyers happy. 
Beachbody does not guarantee any level of success or income from the Team Beachbody Coach Opportunity. Each Coach’s income depends on his or her own efforts, diligence, and skill aka HUSTLE and DRIVE! 

How to shake a funk...

Have you ever woken up and from the second you open your eyes there’s this FUNK following you around that you just can’t seem to shake.

That’s been me. For the last FIVE days. I thought I’d wake up this morning feeling more like myself again. In fact yesterday I was betting on it so I didn’t take any action towards fixing it. I trusted it would go away on it’s own.

It didn’t.

So today I knew I needed to do something about it before I wasted another precious day not feeling like “me”.

This is my tried and true recipe for shaking the funk and getting back to your normal kick ass self:

1: Flood your body with endorphins. This doesn’t have to be traditional exercise. Have a freakin dance party in your living room. Or better yet…get OUTSIDE into the glorious sun and soak up some vitamin D. For me music, singing on top of my lungs and dancing really helps. So this morning after my lifting session the lil boys and I cranked up so 90's music and danced and sung our hearts out. I started to feel a LITTLE better but I knew my work wasn’t done.

2: Flood your brain with positive voices. While making the boys and myself some lunch I turned on some of my fav podcasts that are teaching me to be better at the things I love. So while I was cooking and cleaning, I was learning and turning on my creative juices. And cooking leads me to #3.

3: Eat a wholesome meal. Todays lunch was eggs with some delicious red grapes!

4: Gratitude – flood your mind with ALL the things you’re thankful for…no matter how small. I like to write a random list in the mornings during my miracle morning time. I have a whole notebook full of gratitude.

5: Shut down technology and don’t let others put demands on your time if you have that option. Take care of you first! I kind of did this over the weekend. I choose to hangout with the family instead of working my normal work hours. Sometimes you just need a few hours, few days (no more then 2 is my rule) away.

6:This is the final and VITAL tip that I use to pull me out of a funk…Meditate.

(Doesn’t have to be a spiritual thing if that turns you off.)

I only started doing this regularly for the last 2 months and it’s been life changing. I’ve struggled with ups and downs and anxiety my whole life but I’ve always looked for natural ways to cope.

Meditation has been a total cure all for my mood swings and my anxiousness! I can tell when I skip a day that I just feel off balance. And guess who didn't meditate Saturday and Sunday...yep this girl. No wonder my funk has lasted for 5 day. I meditated Monday, Tuesday and this morning and I could defiantly feel myself slowly coming out of this funk. 

Hopefully after tonights rest. I'll be completely back to normal. :)

Military Wife/Mom/Entrepreneur ... How I Balance it All!

Can I watch Paw Patrol? ... Asked while I'm working out

Can I paint? ... Asked while I'm folding clothes

I want more milk? ... Told while I'm trying to record a training video for my team

I'm hungry? ... Told 1 minute after I sit down to return work emails

ROWAN'S NAKED! ... Yelled when I'm on a one on one call with a coach or client

I want a banana ... Told 1 minute after I sit down to return more emails for work

Can we go outside? ... Asked seconds after I sit down to typing up my blog post

House completely destroyed and littered with toys ... while I sit down to power thru my work tasks

These are just a handful of my daily struggles. HA! Being a wife, mom, and entrepreneur isn't a life of glitz and glam. Don’t get the wrong impression, I love what I do but it can be overwhelming at times. Amongst all this chaos, I often ask myself; how do I balance being a great mom, a loving wife and a successful entrepreneur?

First let me say, I am NO expert and I don't claim to be. My life is far from perfect, I mess up daily, and have little to no idea what I am doing most days. 

Second, each and every one of us is so incredibly different and I, in no way want my readers to compare their lives to mine and think they should be doing more or less. We only can handle what we can handle and that has to be something that you can identify about yourself. I myself, tend to be someone that likes to stay busy and can handle a lot of activity at once. 

I hope you remember while you're reading, everyone is different but you are still doing an amazing job!

I started my business 16 months ago and its grown substantially in that short amount of time. And while life has become very hectic, I chose to have it this way it, and I love it. I always knew I wanted to be an entrepreneur but I also always knew I wanted to be a stay at home mom and wife. Being a work at home mom entrepreneur is part of how I express my creativity, and I’m convinced it is what keeps me sane.

I want to share with you today how I'm able to balance being a mom, a wife and an entrepreneur all from home.

1. I Get Up Before Our Kids
I know everyone is in different stages of their parenting so I get sleeping in with your kid(s) and there is no shame in that. I was still doing that till August shortly after Rowan turned 2 and FINALLY started sleeping thru the night. I had just finished reading the book Miracle Morning and decided to start implementing it in my own life. I'm not going to lie, the first 2 weeks were fucking hard. Gahhh! I have not been a morning person since before I had my daughter...so its been a good 14 years. But I felt I needed this change and Rowan had just started to sleep thru the night. Now I get up at 445am without any trouble. I love my early mornings to myself. It give me that "me" time, that I've needed for a long time. During this time I like to mediate, pray, manifest my goals and read my personal development. Oh and enjoy that first warm cup of coffee. I'm hoping in the future to start waking up at 415am so I can get my miracle morning routine done and then my workout before the kids wake up. But right now we just aren't in that stage since the boys still wake up early 6/630am and need to me to help get them up and settled.

2. Make sure you set aside specific time for everyone. 
Time that is solely devoted to either family or yourself or work. Each one deserves undivided attention at some point. I like to spend one on one time with the little boys after my workout. We play with toys, play-doh, paint/color, go on a walk or to the park. Now that the weather is a lot colder in the mornings. I'm going to try to talk them on walks later in the afternoons because I know its good for all of us to get out and get fresh air. Days that hubby is home for work, I spend the evenings with him watching one of our favorite shows. Our older two kids are at that stage where they don't want to hang out with me. #preteenandteenager And I always take one day on the weekends off to be 100% present with my family. Hubby and I also plan a date night at least monthly. I'm a HUGE believer in date nights. Ladies you need that one on one time with your husband, trust me!

3. Dress to Impress or At Least Dress to Make YOURSELF Smile
Now I know as stay at home mom entrepreneurs we don't leave the house much, so this might be a little controversial with some moms. But to me, it honestly makes me feel better about myself when I have my makeup on, my hair looks nice (this rarely happens because I workout in the mornings and sometimes it gets pretty sweaty gross that that mom pony tail or mom bun just stays in) and wear something that's comfy but also makes me feel cute (for me that's leggings, t-shirt or hoodie). Try it for a week and see how you feel! Plus, your husband will also notice! :)

4. Set Goals Daily
If you like to check things off your list like I do then make a list each morning while your kids eat breakfast. I like to write down drab things (like doing the laundry) and pointless things (like calling the pharmacy), just so I can "check" them off my list. It literally gives me such a sense of gratification. I also have a check list for work things so I know what MUST get done daily.

5. Be OK when not all your Goals are hit that day
As good as it is to make daily goals, you have to make sure that you are realistic about them as well. We all know that as moms life is NEVER consistent, each day is different and things always arise. If you are going to make goals for yourself you have to be equally willing to break those goals and be OK with it. Just be honest with how much YOU can truly accomplish. When I over work myself, I end up feeling unsuccessful, and unproductive. Be OK and just "roll with the punches", nobody is perfect.

6. Don't let your Phone Distract You
I know how distracting working at home gets. It can get overwhelming, boring, old, and even depressing. It's so easy to pick up my phone and scroll through my Instagram, Facebook, emails, etc and pay attention somewhere else. Honestly, I struggle with this CONSTANTLY...it's probably one of my biggest weaknesses. I tell myself multiply times a day that now is NOT the time to get distracted. I also try to prioritize my need for it as well (i.e. how important is that email to me right now? Does it require a response this very minute?). 

7. Don't overwhelm Yourself with your Tasks
This goes back to #5. You only can do what you can do in a day. Don't over complicate it and discourage yourself. Laundry is sometimes the ONLY task I have on my list for that day because it's a freakin' HUGE task. If I can wash, dry, fold, and put away every load of laundry in one day I feel like superwoman...but the truth is, there is ALWAYS a load left for me in the drier the next day. Its life and guess what, nobody has died yet because I didn't get that last load done. 

8. Meal Plan or Meal Prep
This is something I have done for YEARS now. Yes its always a little daunting for me to sit down and write out a meal plan out the entire week but truth is, when it's done I feel like I just accomplished something HUGE! I actually typed up a cheat sheet of all our meals and categorized them (i.e. breakfast, lunch, dinner, and Rowan's meals since he's can't have diary) and I just pull that out of my mom binder and fill in our meal planner. This also helps when it comes to grocery shopping. I just look at our menu and write the grocery list according to our meals. Yes I grab extra stuff for snacks, kids school lunch and Will's work meals, but at least I have a guide this way for our weeks meals.

9. Family Dinners at the Table
I don't cook homemade every night, especially when Will is on shift, but we always make sure to sit around the table together, whatever the meal is. 

10. Hire a Babysitter
Thankfully I haven't had to actually hire a babysitter yet. My husband works 48 hours on/48 hours off, so days he's home I'm able to lock myself in the office for 2-4 hours and do nothing but work. This has been my saving grace! Hubby and I have already discussed that when/if he deploys that I'll be hire a sitter a few times a week so I can get work done. Being a military family we aren't lucky enough to have family near us to watch my kids at a moments notice, but if you do take advantage of it. I know some of you are probably thinking "but I'm a stay at home mom entrepreneurer shouldn't I just take care of my kids. Yes of course but I would make this a priority because truth is, it's more life giving then you even realize. Even if you can only afford to get away for an hour at a time, that time is precious and you NEED to make time for YOU. Next school year will be a little different because Sebastian will be in kindergarten and Rowan will be attending nursery school for 15 hours a week so we more then likely won't need the extra help but you never know. With all that being said, you need to do what only you can do/afford.

11. Routines/Schedules
I am such a schedule oriented person anyways that this was pretty natural for mes, but having a daytime and nighttime routine for our kids has allowed me the time to work on business priorities, as well as, have alone time with my husband in the evenings when he's not on shift. We may seem like drill sargents setting such strict nap schedules (which sadly are dwindling away) and putting our littlest two kids to sleep by 6:30pm, the preteen to bed by 8pm and the teenager by 930pm but honestly this has breathed more life into us than I can even explain. Plus, we've found our kids thrive on a schedule so it's a win-win for all of us!

12. Wife/Mom First, Entrepreneur Second
I know I've done things in life because I thought it was going to be good for me but in the long run I wasn't doing it for the right reasons and found myself empty, unsatisfied, and unhappy. Not only that, but when working from home I often have to remind myself of my main priority (I am a wife/mom first and an entrepreneur second). If I find that it's taking too much quality time away from my family, I know I need to reassess my priorities and get a better system in place.

13. Communication 
William and I do a pretty good job of setting expectations for our day/week. We are in constant communication about what we are doing that day and in a way, it keeps us accountable to each other. Plus, it forces us to work together. Whether it be a running errands, taking the family exploring around England, taking care of the kids, giving each other a much needed break, or making time for one another, we do our best to communicate where we need each other the most.

Starting your own business is the most rewarding thing you can do for yourself. Finding the time to make it happen is dependent on you prioritizing what’s important. Balancing it all requires a lot of work. Ask yourself honestly if everyone is happy, and be sure to include yourself. If they aren’t, then it’s time to change to make it work.

The "I want it all urge"...

There’s a point in every woman’s life when the “having it all” debate starts to ring pretty loudly. It’s somewhere around the time you’ve stepped into a job you can actually see yourself kicking ass at (or, maybe just one that’s paying the bills), and the time where your uterus starts speaking to you through the eyes of really delicious babies. It rolls on throughout our thirties, and well into our forties and fifties. And it lingers, taunting us in form of a FB status, tweets, and blogs.

But I have always had one burning question: What the hell is “all” of it, anyway?

I thought back to all the time I felt the "I want it all urge". Its's been in various stages of my life; married, single mom, and in a brand new relationship. 

Society seems to deem women who “have it all” as those who juggle careers and families. And I think that’s bullshit. Who’s to say that a woman who stays home with her kids doesn’t have it all? Who’s to say an CEO of a Fortune 500 company without children is lacking something? Having it all is a very, very personal choice and one that only WE can decide for ourselves.

Let’s stop buying into this notion that we have to pile our plates high with things that may feel uncomfortable or foreign to us just to prove that we’re some sort of superwoman. Let’s stop comparing ourselves to other women and panicking that we’re not doing enough. The trick is being comfortable in your own skin; your own story. Loving what you’ve got because it feels right for you.

So my answer is this: you can have it all, so long as you’re willing to create it. And to me, that is the most empowering notion of all.