What He See's Isn't What I See & Monday Stats

My husband loves the way I look. If asked to describe me, he would say I have long dark hair that's all over the place but he loves it. He would say I don’t need make-up; my green eyes carry enough secrets and mischief to light up my face. He thinks my waist is small and my belly is slightly rounded in the most attractive way. My breasts are full and round, in perfect proportion to my hips. He'd said I'm voluptuous, soft and beautiful.

He can’t get enough of me. He loves how shapely I am, how my curves fit in his hands. He loves to watch me walk away, and I love to feel his eyes on me.

His perception of me is so compelling that I believe it too. I can conquer the world when he tells me I am beautiful. I am fierce. I am powerful. I am feminine. I walk with grace when I see myself through his eyes. My smile is genuine, and my laugh lines show when I giggle. My hips sway gently and my breasts are proud. The lines of my body are gentle, the slope of my shoulder blends seamlessly with the strength of my biceps. Arms made strong from carrying children.

I am always surprised when I catch a glimpse of myself in a mirror because I fully expect to see my husband’s fantasy staring back at me. But I don’t see his beautiful wife. Instead, the woman in the mirror is deeply disconnected from the image my husband describes. I’m not sure where the lie lives; in his mind, or in mine?

The mirror makes my chest ache, and I feel something close to shame. Not shame, exactly, but the sinking that happens when you disappoint someone you love. That hot rush gets stuck in my throat when I pass a mirror. The image in front of my eyes is a pale shadow of the temptress in my head. My body has betrayed me.

I don’t see a vibrant powerhouse. I see a mediocre suburban mother. My hair is nice, but thin and lies flat against my head. My eyes are a pretty, but they are framed by wrinkles. My cheeks are cheerful, but full, and my lips are chapped because I forget to moisturize them. My skin is average, but beginning to show my age with a firm, deep line between my eyes.

I am more than voluptuous. I am more than curvy. My waist is swallowed up by my leftover baby weight, which folds over my lap and grazes my thighs when I sit down. My belly is decorated with silvery jagged lines, leftovers from being stretched almost beyond its limits. My breasts are full, but they sag with the weight having four children. My legs are plump and my thighs rub together when I walk.

I don’t know how to reconcile the reality of my body with the fantasy of my lover’s image. I struggle with my physical presence on a daily basis.

I do know I admire the woman that my husband loves. She is the person I want to be. I choose her; I choose the reflection in my husband’s eyes. Fuck the reflection in my mirror.

And that makes me fierce.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Weight: 

March 12th 173.0 lbs 
(2.2lb lost)

Not a big change but check out this picture👇🏻

Measurements:

Biceps - (R) 12" / (L) 12"

Forearms - (R) 9.5" / (L) 9.5"

Chest - 37"

Stomach (at hip bone) - 37"

Hips - 43"

Thigh - (R) 25" / (L) 25"

Calves - (R) 15.75" / (L) 15.75"

*I will update measurements March 31st*

Motivation...How? & Monday Stats...

If you’re looking for motivation to get you off the couch and started on your workout, I have to tell you something… the motivation is not coming for you.  

I repeat, it is NOT coming.

You don’t just get motivated.  

DISCIPLINE COMES FIRST.

I am thankful that I grew up in a family who was pretty active. My parents played sports, my mom taught aerobics, I played softball, was a cheerleader, was on color guard, played tennis and rode my bike EVERYWHERE till I could drive. But having children slowed me down a lot. However that active girl was always still there and she would whisper "get up, go for a walk". So I got up and got moving again. Yes it wasn't the same as before kids but that's the great thing about being active, there isn't one "right way".

Trust me, I know it's hard. 

I know what it’s like to physically force yourself off the couch to do a workout that makes you want to die after only five minutes. 

I know what it’s like to cry during a workout because it’s so hard (did that last week during cardio but we will discuss that a bit later). 

I know what it’s like to quit in the middle of a workout. 

I know what it’s like to be embarrassed about having to workout to be healthy. 

But the truth is, you’re not going to get motivated. You have to take some sort of step forward on your own.

If you think you can’t do something because you’re not feeling motivated enough, you’re actually saying you don’t care enough. You don’t want to get motivated if you’re not doing anything about it, because it’s the action that creates the motivation. Action must come first. What you really should be saying is you want to be disciplined.

It takes discipline to take the action to get motivation. 

Did you get that???  

Being disciplined means you do something even if you don’t want to. People who are disciplined are willing to do the hard things, whether they want to or not. You have to tell yourself, “I don’t want to, but I’m going to.”

You’ll find that when you do it you actually feel amazing. When you feel amazing doing something you needed to do but didn’t want to do, you’re motivated to keep going. You’ve crossed it off your list and that makes you feel like a badass!

If you’re not happy with where you’re at, health or otherwise,  you know you deserve better and you want to make that change, you have to start today!  You have to start right now. Don’t wait until next Monday or the 1st of the month like everyone else does. 

Today is the day to start over. 

Remember it’s all about the action you take right now.

Motivation doesn’t come, you create it.  That’s the power you have.

~~~

Okay so last week was kind of a shit show or should I say snow show. So I was suppose to go grocery shopping on Thursday. Well Wednesday we got hit with the beginning of a 3 day winter storm. 

Here's the thing, it NEVER SNOWS here like it did those 3 days. We also had temps down to the teens which also never happens. And howling winds which were causing awful snow drifts. Wednesday to early Saturday morning the police were urging people to stay home because the roads were so bad. This area of the UK just isn't used to the weather we got slammed with. It was crazy. So I didn't end up being able to grocery shop till today, which means I tried my best to stay on my meal plan but it was far from perfect.

I crushed my workouts and staying active for my #365ActiveChallenge though.

Today I started the full 80 Day Obsession Plan and it was killer but fun. I'm really excited to see how my body responds to it over the next 80 days. 

I will also be walking inclines a few times this week too and work myself up to walking inclines 5 days a week. Baby steps for now to see how my hip reacts.

I've also decided to go strictly gluten, dairy free and KETO!

And for once I'm excited to update my stats because I lost a few pounds. 

Weight: 

February 26th 175.2 lbs --- March 5th 173.0 lbs (2.2lb lost)

Measurements:

Biceps - (R) 12" / (L) 12"

Forearms - (R) 9.5" / (L) 9.5"

Chest - 37"

Stomach (at hip bone) - 37"

Hips - 43"

Thigh - (R) 25" / (L) 25"

Calves - (R) 15.75" / (L) 15.75"

*I will update measurements March 31st*

And because a few of you were asking what my meal plan was like here it is. I will say I am EXTREMELY picky so my meal plan is VERY  SIMPLE. LOL! 

And I'm intermittent fasting so I only eat from 12pm to 8pm.

Its roughly between 1400-1500 calories a day, 73% Fat, 21% Protein, and 6% Carbs.

5am-730am: Coffee

845am: Unicorn Moonshine Ketones (ask me about it, if you are interested)

1st Meal at 12pm: 2 Keto Biscuits & 2 Jimmy Dean Sausage Patties

2nd Meal at 230pm: 4 Strawberries, Keto Blueberry Muffin & Unicorn Moonshine

3rd Meal at 5pm: 3oz Grilled Chicken, 1 cup Iceberg Lettuce, 1 Hard Boiled Egg, 

14 Hormell Pepperoni Slices, Topped with Dairy Free Ranch Dressing

4th Meal at 730pm: 2oz Arla Lactofree Mild Cheddar Cheese (vegan cheese) &

14 Hormell Pepperoni Slices

Monday Stats...

So if you read yesterdays blog you'd know this, but if you are new to the party, today I start the 365 day fit challenge! 

For those of you who have followed me for a while know I injured my hip about 9 months ago. Those several months were the most stressful part of my journey so far. Along with my husband deploying for almost 5 month I was a hot mess and dealing with lots of stress! 

So of course I turned to food to comfort me. I lost my weight by eating healthy AND exercising. So I felt like it was a packaged deal, I had to eat healthy and exercise to be successful. I couldn’t exercise, so I slowly stopped eating healthy and it lead to a 15 pound weight gain. 

Am I proud of that? No. But I’m so glad it happened. It was a huge lesson and stepping stone in my journey. I looked to the scale for approval. Eventually I stopped weighing which I thought was a good thing but it also left me in denial. 

For the first time, I weighed myself this weekend and truly didn’t let the number derail me. The negative thoughts that usually came, didn’t. I may have gained weight during the past 9 months but I spent a lot of time changing my thinking and started loving myself where I am, which is what truly matters and most people forget to focus on.

So taking on this challenge was important to me, I know when I exercise I want to eat healthier! I have no real rules for myself during this challenge except to be active every day. Weather that means 1 hour or 15 minutes! As long as I’m doing something that’s all that matters!

And because Mondays are dedicated days to update ya'll on my journey I wanted to update ya'll since I was suppose to start my fitness again last week. Well that was a total train wreck. 

Monday and Tuesday I did workout...YAY! I was battling sinus issues but I just dealt with it.

Tuesday evening I ended up with a high fever and down for the count. I was incredible sore all Tuesday but I thought it was just my bodies response to the first real workouts in 9 months. It was, but it was also due to the fever. I didn't workout. I tried but seriously felt like my legs were going to explode from the pain of soreness.

Wednesday I was sick and ridiculous sore so I just rested.

Thursday the fever was gone but still so sore walking was a challenge. The soreness was the worst I have felt in years. My legs were defiantly in shock from the workouts. 

Friday to Sunday I just gave up and rested. Just being honest. 

My sinuses are still a mess so I may need to call the dr and get an appointment. I'm still planning on working out today since today I start my 365 day challenge.

Monday February 26 Stats...

NO CHANGE FROM LAST WEEK!

Weight: 

175.2 lbs

Measurements:

Biceps - (R) 12" / (L) 12"

Forearms - (R) 9.5" / (L) 9.5"

Chest - 37"

Stomach (at hip bone) - 37"

Hips - 43"

Thigh - (R) 25" / (L) 25"

Calves - (R) 15.75" / (L) 15.75"